i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
