can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
