alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
