woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
