You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
