you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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