At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When are your genitals available?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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