I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
