I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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