did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
