On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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