Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
