I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
