guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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