i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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