How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
