Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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