oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
