I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
