Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
NoShamevember. You game?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
