mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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