I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
