my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
