you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
