Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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