He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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