So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
