OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
