I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
