I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
