you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
