We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
