fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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