There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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