His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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