I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
