I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
