I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
