My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
