we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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