well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
