Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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