It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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