i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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