ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
