i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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