you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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