we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
