Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
