Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
