i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
