saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
