No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
