Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
