I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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