his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
