Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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