OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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