So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
