Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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