I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize