Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
