dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
