Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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