literally had 100 drinks last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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