If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
