just tell him i said nine months
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
