Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
