So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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