bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
