People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
