I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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