That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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