and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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