I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
