I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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